THE HEART IN HOLDING SPACE

Who’s checking in on the ones who hold space?

The ones who hear the depths of other souls, holding space for their deepest secrets, fears, and realities that life isn’t truly being lived. For the one’s that are living through death and rebirth seasons, or the one’s where a death reality has never felt more real.

Holding space is being fully present to another person free of your own agenda. It involves creating a safe and empathetic environment where the other person feels heard, respected, and accepted without interference, advice, or attempts to fix their situation.  Presence, that’s just a word to most, but to some it’s a heART form. Being present offers undivided attention and genuine engagement without distractions.

Authentic human connection is getting lost, and people are forgetting how to emotionally relate below the surface level. It makes me so sad for the times I do

get to see family and friends how disconnected they truly are. I yearn for deep connection and as an Emotional Generator (Human Design) and Type 7x8 (Enneagram), my enthusiasm runs dry as my emotions are heavily tied to others (forever empath).

How do we remain present in a tuned out, distracted, overstimulated world?

Well, we PRACTICE… First with ourselves free from distraction, turning off the noise of TV, phones, radio. Make some Tea (loose leaf is best) as the art of preparing something with your hands gets you actively into the body. Light a candle then watch it burn for a few minutes or so. What feeling does it elicit? Connect in with your breath by taking a few heart centered deep breaths. Lastly, begin writing whatever comes up from the heart, head and body. Give voice to it all.

The highs and lows, the ebbs and flows that each week, day, or hour brings is variable. So if I am not taking care of me, practicing my own self-care, doing the things to release and let go of thoughts, emotions, other peoples’ problems, then I am like a willow branch swaying in the breeze. Not sturdy, not secure, not grounded.

This past week was a doozy, (an eclipse on a full moon with a 3/3 portal in addition to a mercury retrograde) one for keeping record and account of to help me remember, I am so deeply loved, protected and cherished. Grateful to have my kids, husband, friends, members at LiveWell and even one of my forever clients to reflect this back to me. My personality type is one that “runs” from the painful feelings to avoid getting “stuck in suffering”. Through all of my personal development work I have done, this part has been most challenging to “STAY”.

I have been doing the “deep work” for a decade now alongside all the therapy clients and community I serve. Sitting in the “suffering stew” I call it doesn’t look the same for everyone as it depends on your personality type. For me, it looks like an inside thought race in the brain that circulates all the things that could have happened to create the issue. Then it’s an unload “venting & validation” to my most trusted friend who knows my heart. I unravel through anger as an aggressive type personality, but I am still not truly in a “feel it to heal it” mode yet. That’s the partial release because what’s hidden within the outer layer surface is grief and sadness.

I now know this about me and have had zero time to friend this pain and suffering, so I had to make time. Heat therapy seems to be my thing, so I jumped in the infrared red-light sauna before heading home from our wellness center. My plan was to “sweat it all out” and let go of this hurt and pain. I was distracted texting friends, scrolling a bit and letting my mind wander so I didn’t truly feel my feelings. Once I got home, my 13 year old daughter who knows my heart could feel I was off. She made a comment that I seemed mad. I asked her to clarify to which I responded “no honey, I am not mad just sad. Sad for the many things that disappointed me, people I trusted that took advantage of my time, talent and value assets. Sad for why people who love me don’t check in on me. Sad for when people don’t see that I am hurting.

These words didn’t even come out before the tears began flowing. My two youngest wrapped their arms around me to give their love wrapped in a Mommy Hug Sandwich. I allowed myself to feel it all in that moment with the safety of their unconditional love, not through their words but in their act of holding space.

Love allowed me to Feel. To Release & Let Go. Writing this letter to remember, integrated to HEAL it.